Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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