i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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