I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
