So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
