3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We don't watch enough power rangers
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
