Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
