She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
