Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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