I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
