meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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