i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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