so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
