You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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