idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
