So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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