Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
