At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize