I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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