Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
