I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
