This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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