Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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