did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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