Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize