I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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