He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
