He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
