There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize