Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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