I wish I could teleport
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
