No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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