She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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