I wish I could punch you in the face.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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