We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
