I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All I want is dick and wine.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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