Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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