I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
