I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
