I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
