My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
