just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
