Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
