You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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