I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my shit smells like andre
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
