I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
