It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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