he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
