all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
