Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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