i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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