Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
