my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
