lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
