I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize