Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
