found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
