She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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