mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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