I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
