Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
love makes seman taste better
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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