Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
