Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
