Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
