its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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