She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
