Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
