my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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