How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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