hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
