Welp...herpes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
