That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
