I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
