You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You took a bar mat shot.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
