There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
