Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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