Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
