I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
