Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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