It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
